I know that I have to leave, now what?

Choice is the one thing we have, the choice to stay or go may be the most important one facing you. The one person you can trust is yourself, you know in your heart, you have heard the words that have made you stop in your tracks. I was there, asking myself if I should go or stay... my answer was that if I stayed I could lose my life and I knew if I left it could happen also, but I had to trust someone at sometime. It started with trusting my own instincts and what I already knew to be true of the one I loved. And started the journey to love myself. What I learned in shelter I needed to know for the journey. I did not believe for so long that I had choice, he said I didn't and I believed him. He was wrong!

Personal Sacrifice:

Going to shelter is not easy, it is a different kind of hard. A person can get used to stress that they know on a certain level. Women usually end up in shelter when it becomes critical to survive, during escalation of violence, or as a result of injuries.

What I will need to prepare for!

Contact the hotline or your local shelter hotline? They can help you prepare! National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Contact your local shelter: there is a drop down box with each state links here. Shelters

Document abuse, threats and behavior.

Have legal papers in a safe place, birth certificates of you and your children, social security cards.

Have money if possible, open a separate bank account not at the joint account location.

Be cautious who you reveal your plans to, know that you can trust them or don't endanger yourself.

Any court records of previous abuse, pictures etc.

Clean your computer of any traces that you visited this site or other domestic violence help sites. Internet Safety.

Be prepared to truthfully assess the depth of danger you are in. Some can leave and get a divorce with a fair settlement, others have no choice but to walk away and start over.

Dare to believe that you have basic human rights. And respect yourself as well as others. This is not about vengeance but personal growth. Your Rights.

If You Are Staying For Now

Be ready to get away if you can before or during an attack. To help you make a plan is the following list.

Call the domestic violence hotline (1.800.799.7233

Ask them what resources are in your area.

Ask where the nearest shelter is and the fastest way to get there.

Ask what you need to do to get in.

Make a list of family and friends who can help in an emergency. Ask what they would be willing to do (transportation, shelter, money etc.

If you can't stay with family or friends, choose a hotel or motel where you can go. Save enough money to pay for at least one night. Know the quickest way there.

Plan how to leave. Would it be by car, bus, taxi, a ride from a friend or on foot? If it is by car, have a spare set of keys and keep gas in the car.

Police stations, fire stations and hospitals are always open. You can go there for immediate safety. Know where they are and the fastest way to get there. Keep the numbers in your cell phone on speed dial if you have one.

Pack a bag and keep it in a safe place where your partner won't find it. The following items should be in the bag.

Money.

Emergency phone numbers.

Clothes for you and your children.

Any medications you and your children take reguraly.

Important papers such a birth certificates, restraining order, picture I.D.

An extra set of keys to the house and car.

Leaving For Good!

Going to a shelter is a hard journey, but when you have no where else to go, or don't want to endanger anyone else you love it is a viable option! IMAGINE! That you can survive this! Have you found yourself wondering, or thought that you would not survive?
In shelter they teach you that a lot of women will go back an average of 7 times, and that less than 30% of abusers change. Leaving is a big step and there are people who are trained to help you to leave and will be able to help you afterwards.
Following are some tips that will help you more than you now can possibly know And all them can be accomplished by scheduling a visit with the local shelters office!

Educate yourself about domestic violence. Read about it, schedule a visit with the local shelter's office and sit down with an advocate and make a plan.

Join a support group. Your local shelter should have one going.

Get Counseling.

Know how to get a protection order.

Find out about agencies and programs for you and your children.

Go to a shelter if needed, they can offer safety, counseling and support while you decide what to do next..

After you leave

Stay in touch with the domestic violence worker you trust. Keep your safety plan updated.

Change your routine if it seems necessary, again "Trust your instincts!". Change work hours, grocery stores and regular appointments.

Plan what you might say or do if your partner asks you to return to the relationship. Remember that things will not change until he gets serious professional help and becomes and accountable person.

Even with counseling violent behavior is hard to break. So you need to get help for yourself and your children and have a plan to stay safe.

Credits

Thanks for the template used here to help build ths site and make it presentable!
All credit for the layout, graphics and art of this design goes to: Nonvideri Designs. .